he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
We had to coat check the pizza.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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