my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
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