I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
