And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
Randomize
