I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
Randomize
