Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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