You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
