we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
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