So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
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