my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
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