i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
I'm too high and old for this...
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
