WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize
