are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
