So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
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