I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
Hello my rib-scented angel!
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
PANTIES FOUND
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