Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
