I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
I think i got beer on your cat.
Randomize
