Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
COCAINE IS GR8
Randomize
