This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize
