So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
