woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
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