Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Randomize
