There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
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