Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
