Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
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