Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
Randomize
