As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
Randomize
