What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
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