She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
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