My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Randomize
