Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
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