i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
