I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
Randomize
