Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
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