You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
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