Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize
