The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
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