I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
Randomize
