Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Randomize
