i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
