First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
