Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
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