shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
