she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Randomize
