You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
Are we in a gay sports bar?
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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