And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
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