it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
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