careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
Randomize
