I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
I want to make a zoo with you.
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
