i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
