Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
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