1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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